Why Love feels like ANXIETY
QUIZ: Are You Anxiously Attached?
Answer “Yes” or “No” to each question.
Do you think about your partner constantly, even to the point of distraction?
Do you worry they’ll lose interest, cheat, or pull away — even without evidence?
Do you feel panicked when they take long to reply or aren’t reassuring enough?
Do you check up on them online — past partners, likes, follows, stories?
Do you feel like you lose your sense of self when you fall in love?
If you answered “yes” to 3 or more, you likely have anxious attachment patterns.
You are not broken. You are not “crazy.”
You’re simply overwhelmed by a style of loving that feels like fear.
Why Love Can Feel Like Anxiety
For so many people, falling in love feels like falling into panic.
You think about them non-stop.
You overanalyze every message.
You imagine everything that could go wrong.
You stalk old photos, exes, followers.
You worry about them pulling away, cheating, or waking up and deciding you’re not enough.
And worse — you stop recognising yourself.
Your security evaporates.
Your confidence disappears.
You lose your independence.
It’s terrifying…
but also incredibly common.
This is what anxious attachment feels like.
The Truth Most Therapists Don’t Say
Yes — anxious attachment often comes from childhood abandonment, inconsistent parenting, and emotional insecurity.
But from my personal experience working with thousands of clients…
80% of the anxiety comes from WHO you choose.
Many anxious attachers aren’t just anxious —
they’re anxious with the wrong person.
You might have chosen someone who:
takes hours to reply
is still in touch with exes
shows up inconsistently
gives mixed signals
lacks affection
avoids conflict
doesn’t know how to soothe you
or genuinely does things that would trigger anyone
Most people with anxious attachment styles end up dating partners who activate their fears, not calm them.
Your wounds are real —
but the wrong partner exaggerates them.
Step One: Choose Someone Who Doesn’t Trigger You
Before healing anxiety, learn to avoid the people who inflame it.
Ask yourself:
Does this person make me feel safe?
Do they reassure or ignore?
Do they communicate clearly or disappear?
Do they calm my anxiety or provoke it?
If you’re dating someone who is blatantly hurting you, breadcrumbing you, disrespecting boundaries, or behaving in ways that constantly activate your fears —
that is not your attachment style. That is their behaviour.
You do not heal anxious attachment by staying with people who feed it.
Step Two: If You Choose a Healthy Partner — Work on Your Rituals
Even with secure partners, anxious attachers often spiral into unhealthy rituals:
Constant calling
Over-texting
Needing constant reassurance
Imagining worst-case scenarios
Starting arguments to feel closeness
Monitoring their social media
Becoming dependent on their attention
If this is you —
you are not crazy.
You’re just scared.
But you must replace these rituals with healthier ones.
Step Three: Rebuild a Life Outside the Relationship
Anxious attachment becomes overwhelming when your entire identity becomes the relationship.
Healthy love doesn’t erase your life — it enhances it.
So start rebuilding yourself:
See your friends again
Spend time with family
Go to the gym consistently
Engage in hobbies and joy outside romance
Build a career you enjoy
Take yourself out alone
Strengthen your independence
Create confidence that isn’t dependent on their approval
When you have a full life, you stop clinging.
You stop fearing abandonment.
You stop obsessing.
You stop overthinking.
Love becomes something you choose — not something you panic about losing.
Final Thoughts
If love feels like anxiety, there is nothing wrong with you.
You’re simply loving from a place of fear, not security — and that can change.
You deserve a love that calms you.
You deserve a partner who soothes you.
You deserve a relationship where your nervous system can rest.
And you deserve to heal the parts of you that still panic when things feel uncertain.
Work With Me One-to-One
If you want to understand your attachment style, stop obsessing over relationships, and finally learn how to choose secure, stable partners…
Book a one-to-one session with me here:
