Daddy Issues in Men: The Hidden Epidemic of Mummy’s Boys
Before we talk about daddy issues in men, let’s start with a simple but revealing self-check.
Five Questions That Reveal If a Man Is a “Mummy’s Boy
If a man answers yes to most of these, there is likely unresolved parental enmeshment or father alienation at play:
Does he instinctively defend his mother, even when she is clearly wrong?
Does he describe his father as “toxic,” “useless,” or “emotionally unavailable” without being able to give concrete examples?
Does he feel guilty prioritising his own life, partner, or career over his mother’s emotional needs?
Does he believe women are almost always right in conflicts, while men are usually to blame?
Does he struggle with boundaries, assertiveness, or leadership in his romantic relationships?
If these resonate, what you’re seeing is not kindness or emotional intelligence. It’s conditioning.
What Thousands of Men Have Taught Me
In my work with several thousand men, I have noticed a disturbing but consistent pattern:
The majority of emotionally struggling men today have what psychology refers to as an Oedipal fixation—commonly misunderstood and often dismissed.
When I first studied Freud, I found this concept uncomfortable and even distasteful. The idea that boys develop an unconscious attachment to their mothers and resentment toward their fathers felt exaggerated and unnecessary.
But after working with men from different cultures, backgrounds, and ages, I can say this clearly:
There is far more truth to it than we want to admit.
The Modern Oedipal Pattern
This does not mean men consciously desire their mothers sexually.
What it does mean is this:
An unwavering emotional loyalty to the mother
An unsupported, often irrational hostility toward the father
A childhood narrative where everything the father did was wrong
A belief that the mother could do no wrong
A quiet satisfaction when the parents separated because “mum was finally mine”
Many of these men decided at a very young age that their father was the enemy.
Not because he was abusive.
Not because he was cruel.
But because he represented authority, masculinity, and limits.
And the mother—often unintentionally—became the emotional centre of the child’s world.
What Happens When a Boy Never Reconciles With His Father
Here is the uncomfortable truth:
Men who never repair or form a healthy relationship with their father almost always grow into weak men.
Weak does not mean gentle.
Weak does not mean kind.
Weak means unrooted.
Freud argued that these men fail to properly identify with their father and therefore fail to develop a stable masculine identity.
Again, I can confirm this in real life.
Every man I have met who:
Cannot keep a woman
Cannot inspire respect
Is constantly cheated on
Is emotionally abused in relationships
Is desperate for love and validation
Almost always has a broken relationship with his father.
The Female Approval Trap
These men become addicted to female approval.
Even when:
The woman treats them badly
The woman is manipulative
The woman cheats
The woman isolates children from their father
They will still side with her.
I have had men sit in front of me and justify:
A woman cheating on her husband (“He probably deserved it”)
A woman preventing a father from seeing his children (“She must have a reason”)
Instead of seeing these as red flags, they see them as virtue.
Why?
Because anything a woman does feels right to them, and anything a man does feels suspect.
This is not empathy.
This is submission.
And submission is deeply unattractive.
Why Women Don’t Respect Mummy’s Boys
Women do not consciously reject these men.
They lose attraction to them.
A man who:
Cannot hold boundaries
Cannot lead
Cannot disagree
Cannot say no
Triggers something primal and unavoidable: disrespect.
And once respect is gone, love follows.
How This Gets Fixed
Most modern therapy reinforces this problem by:
Blaming fathers
Over-validating feelings
Encouraging victimhood
Treating masculinity as something dangerous
This keeps men stuck. Real healing requires:
Reconciling with the father (emotionally or practically)
Reclaiming masculine identity
Developing boundaries with the mother
Relearning respect for authority and structure
PRE-ORDER MY BOOK:
The Red Flags
In The Red Flags, I break down:
How to spot this pattern early
Why it destroys attraction
How men can rebuild masculinity
How women can avoid these relationships
And how to actually fix this without cutting off parents or blaming childhood forever
This is not about hating mothers.
It is about restoring balance.
